why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
