when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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