I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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