Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
