I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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