I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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