I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
