youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
