Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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