I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just want to make out with him forever
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
