people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
