he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
