I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
