apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
