No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
