We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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