You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
