I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
My life is pants optional.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
