i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
