please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
