The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
