Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
