I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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