I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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