Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
