Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
