I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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