Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
