Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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