fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
