Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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