You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
