Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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