Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
