I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
