Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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