and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
