JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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