I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
