Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
