U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I need moral support for this bender
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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