Cold hands, warm shart.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
