he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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