i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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