There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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