He uses pillows to masturbate.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
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