If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
