omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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