My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
