you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
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