i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
