i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
