Sponge bath it is.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
